So after many months of agonising over this decision and all the impact it would have, be decided to try for another baby. If you don't know how much this decision took out of me, see this post.
We got pregnant in October 2011 on the first attempt - very lucky indeed. And we were thrilled! The minute those 2 lines on the HPT came up, this little being buried deep into my heart and our planning for him/her started. And the future with another little van den Broek baby looked awesome and we couldn't wait for July 2012 to meet him/her.
And then at the end of November I started feeling bad - lots of pain which did not seem normal. Then the bleeding started. Gynea confrimed my suspicions of a ectopic pregnancy and rushedme to theatre. It happened so quickly that I could hardly wrap my head around the fact that our new litte baby is already gone.
The gynea did a laparoscopy, in through my belly button and a little cut on my previous c-section scar. After I woke up, he said that it was not an ectopic pregnancy, but that it was a miscarriage which started to bleed upwards into the tube as result of blockage. So my tube was fine and I was fine - but of course, no more baby..
My heart broke. Even though this pregnancy terminated so very early (at almost 8 weeks), this baby was already part of our family. I had already seen Imke holding and loving her new tiny sibling. I had already envisioned the four of us playing board games and rolling down the incline in the garden. My heart had already expanded to hold love for one more person.
We are coming up to what would have been the birth date - and my heart feels like imploding. In my logical mind, I know it is silly and we can try again (but not too sure of this.. too damn scared) and that the baby wasn't even formed yet, and and and.. But my heart doesn't seem to care.
The Universe knows what is in store for us, whether we will be blessed with another little life to hold and mold, or whether Imke is our one BIG blessing. Either way I know we will always be blessed and happy, as we have support, encouragement and above all love galore.
