Poetic Justice..

Definition: Vice to be punished and virtue to be rewarded, but also for logic to triumph...

Ye, Gods, the person who coined that phrase must have been a new parent. I just know that he/she felt the same as I am feeling right now - the same ironic twist of fate that reveals itself to you as you consider your child's future.

I've spend so much of my life thinking that my sisters' rebellion was directly caused by my parents' overindulgence. That my detached attitude towards them stems from them not holding me or cuddling me enough. That my insecurities are due, in part, to not feeling loved enough by the two people who should, in all rights, love me the most.

And then, WHAM, the tables are turned. I have a child of my own. Now everything I do or don't do has an influence on this little human's life. NOTHING can prepare you for this feeling - it is just so overwhelming.

I want to do everything right, no mistakes. I do not want her to ever feel that I have let her down. But I guess that the rational part of me knows that that is just impossible. Even if a parent does everything in their power to do things 'right', there will come a time when, in your child's eyes you did the wrong thing. Even if the 'vice' was not deliberate it will be 'punished' :-)

And then I also just so wish with my whole heart & my whole soul that I can keep my baby from ever feeling sad or hurt. I wish I could save her from ever spilling a tear because of injustice or unfairness. But logic will prevail - I know I can not prevent all heartache from ever visiting my dearest little girl. I know I can not stop tears that are bound to fall. All I can do, and do to the best of my ability, is be there to dry those tears and to provide a safe place to fall.

Oh, brother but I am maudlin tonight :-) Forgive my ramblings friends - when you are so tired you can't sleep your mind does strange things he he he.

Can I just add one thing, please?

I ABSOLUTELY ADORE, LOVE, CHERISH MY LITTLE GIRL :-) I wish every person on earth could experience this feeling of utter unabashed, unselfish, unconditional love for another human being.